Few things hurt people worse than a spouse cheating. Maybe a loved one’s death, but even then, you’re spared the devastating betrayal that comes with infidelity.

But, you if life teaches anything, it’s that anything we encounter is survivable. Often times it doesn’t seem possible, but it is. You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will once again know what it is to hope. I’ve been through it all. I know.

Here our five vital keys:

Confront reality.

Don’t deny it or try to rationalize in some way that catching your spouse cheating did not happen. You might be tempted to think things like, “It was only sex, he didn’t really care about her, so it wasn’t really cheating.” No, he cheated. It happened. You can’t change that.

Talk about it.

When you’ve caught a spouse cheating, this is easier said than done. You’ve mad. Hopping mad and you want to vent. You’re partner is going to have absorb that for a bit, but then it’s time to move on. Why? Why did you do it? If you can get an honest answer to that without the shame or guilt, you may be on your way to having a better relationship than the one you had before.

Be Direct.

You want to understand each other, right. That was this is all about, isn’t it. Listen as much as you talk. Have a sincere interest to what is being said. This is your life and someone in which you have a huge emotional investment. You can throw it all away. That’s easy enough. But, do you really want to?

Let go of the past.

Trust me, you’ll be tempted to relive the moment you found out and to try to imagine everything that went on between them. This is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Memories and emotions are very closely tied together in the brain, so remembering will bring out the pain, as fresh as the day you found out. When you feel yourself obsessing, practice thought-stopping. Literally tell yourself, “Stop!” and deliberately turn your thoughts to something else.

Don’t dwell on thoughts of suicide.

You’re going to be mad. So mad you can’t see straight. You’re going to think of doing some pretty horrible things, to the spouse cheating, to yourself, to other person involved. Don’t. When you fight fire with fire, the city is burned to the ground. Is that really what you want?

Give yourself enough space to indulge your hurt. You deserve it. But don’t take up residence there. At some point, it’s going to be time to move on. Life waits for no one. Don’t let the bitterness of this devour you. Demand more of yourself.

Most importantly, remember this isn’t something you’ll get over quickly. Some experts say it can take up to two years or more to deal with the emotions and move past them.

Be prepared to face a tough time ahead, but know that the pain of a spouse cheating will come to an end.

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Win back your ex or cut bait and move on? Chances are you’ve asked yourself the same question a thousand times recently. And, wouldn’t it be just grand if all you had to do was make the decision and all the logical steps magically appeared before you, leading you to the life you want? Sure. But, it is possible to make it a little easier on yourself when faced with this dilemma. And, if you thinking of that moving on is the best path to take, here are five steps listed for your careful consideration:

*Make a firm decision that it’s over, really over.

You’ve made a decision and fired the big torpedo, and once the bomb has left the hanger, there’s no turning back. You now going to fritter time in wasteful emotion? Are you going to be big kid about it or sit and cry, lamenting the past? Which is more productive and better for you and your future? Just remember: if it was really working, you wouldn’t be where you are.

*Let it all hang out

I can’t emphasize this enough: do not run from your suffering. It’s going to track you down anyway. Invite it in. Let it sit a while. Make friends with it. Just like most of us, it just wants to be seen and recognized. Once this is done, it is much more likely to leave on its own. Wouldn’t it be much better without all the histrionics?

*Do Something to Prove It’s Over

Take the love letters out, if you have any, and burn them in chiminea. Shatter some keepsake they once gave you. Throw out the clothing they bought you. This doesn’t have to be an act of anger, but it is an act of liberation. You don’t want to win your ex back, instead you’re saying the big, “See ya!” In other words, you’re setting yourself free. There should be some joy in that, don’t you think?

*Seek Out Old Friends

Maybe you’ve lost track of your friends during your relationship. It happens all the time. Remember what life was like before your involvement. Who did you hang out with? What did you do? Give yourself a chance to get reacquainted with your lost friends. Don’t get all corny here. “Hey, I’m kinda going through a rough spot. Be nice if we could do dinner.” But, look to the future and don’t drag your friends down with the endless tales of what’s gone wrong for you. Get to know them and what’s going on in their lives. It’ll help you get out of yourself a little.

*Don’t forget about Number One

Drinking Long Island Iced Teas and watching “They Way We Were” a thousand times isn’t going to cut it. Neither is stuffing yourself with chocolate and potatoes. Be well. Think well of yourself. Treat your body with respect. Get out and walk regularly or take up jogging or aerobics. You stand a much better chance of engaging a new interest in your life if you’re engaged, as simple as it sounds.

So, to summarize: you know in your heart of hearts of it’s best to win back your ex, or if it’s time to move on. You really do. Trust yourself instincts and make decisions that are your good for yourself and for what lead you a more fulfilling life. You can do this. You really can.

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