Few things hurt people worse than a spouse cheating. Maybe a loved one’s death, but even then, you’re spared the devastating betrayal that comes with infidelity.

But, you if life teaches anything, it’s that anything we encounter is survivable. Often times it doesn’t seem possible, but it is. You will smile again. You will laugh again. You will once again know what it is to hope. I’ve been through it all. I know.

Here our five vital keys:

Confront reality.

Don’t deny it or try to rationalize in some way that catching your spouse cheating did not happen. You might be tempted to think things like, “It was only sex, he didn’t really care about her, so it wasn’t really cheating.” No, he cheated. It happened. You can’t change that.

Talk about it.

When you’ve caught a spouse cheating, this is easier said than done. You’ve mad. Hopping mad and you want to vent. You’re partner is going to have absorb that for a bit, but then it’s time to move on. Why? Why did you do it? If you can get an honest answer to that without the shame or guilt, you may be on your way to having a better relationship than the one you had before.

Be Direct.

You want to understand each other, right. That was this is all about, isn’t it. Listen as much as you talk. Have a sincere interest to what is being said. This is your life and someone in which you have a huge emotional investment. You can throw it all away. That’s easy enough. But, do you really want to?

Let go of the past.

Trust me, you’ll be tempted to relive the moment you found out and to try to imagine everything that went on between them. This is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Memories and emotions are very closely tied together in the brain, so remembering will bring out the pain, as fresh as the day you found out. When you feel yourself obsessing, practice thought-stopping. Literally tell yourself, “Stop!” and deliberately turn your thoughts to something else.

Don’t dwell on thoughts of suicide.

You’re going to be mad. So mad you can’t see straight. You’re going to think of doing some pretty horrible things, to the spouse cheating, to yourself, to other person involved. Don’t. When you fight fire with fire, the city is burned to the ground. Is that really what you want?

Give yourself enough space to indulge your hurt. You deserve it. But don’t take up residence there. At some point, it’s going to be time to move on. Life waits for no one. Don’t let the bitterness of this devour you. Demand more of yourself.

Most importantly, remember this isn’t something you’ll get over quickly. Some experts say it can take up to two years or more to deal with the emotions and move past them.

Be prepared to face a tough time ahead, but know that the pain of a spouse cheating will come to an end.

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